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I am only keeping this because of the SEO. lol

I Should Have Known Better

Meiko had it good. At least she knows better than to be friends with boys with girlfriends.

When I first met you I knew you were the one
‘Til you took me home and I met her
She had your boxers on
She was listening to your song
And I thought right then that you had everything

But I knew she was jealous from the start
Yeah
I knew she was jealous from the start

‘Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends
Oh
I know better than that
I know better
You play the victim and I’ll be the bad guy
I know better than that

I should have known better. We were pretty sure, we were going to have a great friendship. One which is different from all the others we know. We shared secrets, skin and spit. We were. Oh, darling, we were. But there is no bitterness now.

I do not think about you anymore. Not as often. Only now, because last night they talked about you in front of me. And all I could say, was that I do not care. Because now, I do not care about you life. Maybe one day you’ll end up on a hospital bed, somewhere in Manila, I would have passed by your room and I would not even know, nor care. I hope you have a good life. You’ll be 23 next year.

What she did to us was tragic
…
And I have to do what’s right
…
What we had was really magic
…
But I have to get what’s mine.”

‘Cause I know better not to be friends with boys with girlfriends

Remember that time?

Remember that time you were on my bed, punching and wrestling that yellow duck Francis gave me for Christmas? And how my room is best for afterplay and lounging after sex? And we would think of nothing. No she never existed.

It was only you and me, babe, under an orange sky swallowing the sun.

Lyrics: Freak-out Baby by the Itchyworms

Freak-out Baby by the Itchyworms Lyrics

Wag kang mailang pag may kasama na ako
di ko na ngayon problema feelings mo.
freak-out, freak out baby
wag ka mag freak-out baby
freak out, freak-out baby….

Makakahanap ka pa. sigurado iyan ikaw pa
meron ka namang hitsura
bakit mo pa ‘ko gusto?

ako ay tarantado
hindi ako bagay sa yo.

you dont deserve someone who is mean to you
i think we both need to see someone new.

wag kang mailang pag may kasama na ako
di ko na ngayon problema ang feelings mo
freak-out, freak out baby
wag kang mag freak-out baby
freak out, freak-out baby…..

Commitment ba’ng gusto mo?
e may querida ako, compatible tayong tatlo
tumingin ka sa salamin, diba kasalanan mo rin. masyado ka kasing mahinhin.

you dont deserve someone who’s mean to you
i think we both need to see someone new.

wag kang mailang pag may kasama na ako
di ko na ngayon problema feelings mo
freak-out, freak out baby
wag kang mag freak-out baby
freak out, freak-out baby….

(oh, mahal ko, ganyan talaga ang takbo ng buhay.
ang babae libo-libo ang kulay, parang rainbow.
at alam mo naman ako, hindi diba?
ah, siya nga pala, eto pala si Shirley. kita mo naman mas matangkad,
mas makinis. mas malaki ang bank account.
mas magaling.. mag luto.

it’s not you, baby. it’s not you. it’s me.)

wag kang mailang pag may kasama na ako
di ko na ngayon problema feelings mo
freak-out, freak out baby
wag ka mag freak-out baby
freak out, freak-out baby….

this is the only complete lyrics in the internet. I had to listen to this song on repeat to be able to post this.

this is assholism at its finest. And I can only imagine no one but you saying it. Except you are not exactly an asshole. You were one of those fairly decent boys from one of those colleges in the university belt. Except for the fact that lust is your capital sin. And I was only too willing to oblige. But you did have a querida, who happened to be me. THEN. Thank God, I am not anymore.

But this song made so many salient points which I could only imagine from coming from you. You are an asshole. The one asshole in the world I chose to love, over and over again. Good thing, I am out of that phase.

Kate Voegele – No Good

I never feared the unexpected
‘Till I found myself in this peculiar place
Unaware of where I was headed
Turns out it was your footsteps I had chased

Well I should know so much better than this
But you’ve occupied the center of my universe

I’m moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
‘Till the day I learn you’re No Good for me

It’s illogical and it’s outrageous
The way I let you keep me hangin’ on
Your character is that contagious
I know I should have thought before I had done
I’ve gone and let my impulse be my guide
And on that note I’ll be defenseless for some time

I’m moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
‘Till the day I learn you’re No Good for me

Hey you there keep your distance
Don’t you come around here
Don’t test my patience baby
‘Cause I aint gonna let you off easy

I’m moving in reverse
Under your mighty curse
I hate myself for loving you
I turn my head away
But my heart will remain
‘Till the day I learn you’re No Good
‘Till the day I learn you’re No Good
‘Till the day I learn you’re No Good for me

You’re No Good, you’re No good, you’re No Good, you’re No Good for me
You’re No Good, you’re No good, you’re No Good for me

Ooh you’re No Good
Ooh you’re No Good
No Good for me

(this one is for you. I wonder why I keep on singing these songs to you. When I know I only mean half of it)

you have a common name

And I am finding it hard to search for you when I google you every morning. That is a slight exaggeration seeing as I only googled your name this morning:

JAKE DOCTOR

I wonder how many Jakes are living here in this forsaken country.The Philippines is such a small place, I say that we can not have too many of you in the planet, or in this country. I wonder how many Jakes do we have in Metro Manila alone. And how many Doctors. Jake Doctor is a common name, I think there might even be one in Pangasinan, in Bohol, in Davao. That common, babe, I tell you.

How many heartbreakers do we have in this city?

i…

Wrote you love letters I never intended to send. And it all started with:

Dearest Jake Doctor,

And other variations of your name. And all those names I used to call you. Jake, Doctor, Fish, Angel, Babe. Too many names for one boy. You must have had it so lucky, babe. And now I am here trying to remember what you look like. All I could recall was the smile with bad teeth and a sincere spark in the eyes.

We were, as I always said, too much and too little at the same time.

Jake Doctor,

I don’t know what it is you tell people about me. “She was my girl and she fell in love. With me first.”

People always have these ill feelings toward the girl who came in the picture, in between a good love story. Which in this case, between the Jake Doctor and your girlfriend’s love story of forever and ever. I do not blame them.

For the most part, I am willing to swallow the pill and choose to be the bitch, the one to take all the blame for this bad judgment on OUR part.

What is it that you tell people?

“She was my girl. But we weren’t meant to fall in love.” or “She was chasing after me, and I loved the chase.” or my favorite “Bhie, hindi ko siya hinabol. Alam mong hindi ako ganung tipo ng tao. Siya itong dikit ng dikit sa akin.”

Do you tell people these things? Do you tell people all of these so that it helps you sleep better at night?

Do you stream out consciousness and tuck into oblivion the part where you held me tighter when I bawled out because of the shit this life had become? Do you tell everyone that you call me at midnight and we’ll talk about nothing until four am. All the while soliciting ten more minutes with me on the line. And these ten more minutes turn into thirty and you ask for ten minutes more? Do you tell peole that you bought a sun sim card so that you and me can call each other non-stop in that sembreak? Do you tell people that you hug me in secret rooms while I turn my body against yours? What about the time you ignored me because I did not text you after boarding my ride?

We have too many memories together, Jake Doctor. And I do not know how much of it you’ve reduced in order to save face.

And I am not saying all of these with any spite whatsoever, because I know and that you know, despite all my efforts to stop us from being friends, you always come up with reasons why we should be friends. And I could only sigh in affirmation. You wanted us to be friends. Despite me believing that it will be best for you and her to not have me around completely.

I would like to tell you more, but I will refuse to. Mostly because of fear that these entries can and will be streamed.

I know it takes two to tango. While all of the past is beneath us now, i just hoped you never made it seem like I was the only one dancing.

Dear Goldfish,

I do not know what to tell you except that which you already know. Maybe someday we can be good friends. Although I doubt that.

Jake Doctor,

I want to remember everything: the fold of our hands like church steeples neatly tucked under your jacket or mine. the feel of your cheeks with bad unkempt facial hair. My smile, the next day like a promo girl in a bad home TV shopping ad.

I wonder what I still do to you. Whether I still make you miss me, or I have been to open, too out there, too available.

how the feel of your shirts still make me giddy and the way sometimes your socks don’t make it past your ankles. Or all those unkempt hair on your hair, and the smell of mineral oil at your hair tips.

The truth of all this is that there are still so many times I will forget the specific things that endeared you to my heart, that I love about you. And that will almost convince me fully that this is all there is for us, this has to be enough, we can go no further so it is time to turn on our heels and walk away. And then another second will tick by on the watch, so certain on my wrist, and I’ll fall right back into my place at your side again, never thinking of leaving, wondering how I could ever consider it.

You’re the kind of person whose face lights up when I take your hand in a crowded elevator.

your Niko.